Finally...

I've been working on this post for the last week. I've been in such a melancholy mood since my last post. So I haven't published what I've written. I seem to write what I'm thinking or feeling at the moment...then edit...edit again...and delete. Then I write something totally different. To sum up the way I've been feeling...over the last week or so, I've had bouts of sadness, depression, and anger. It's so unlike me to dwell on something for too long...but what has happened to New Orleans and the Gulf Coast has been a different story completely. I'm usually upbeat and cheerful and positive...the kind of person that if things happen...I deal with it...and move on. But I just haven't been able to shake this feeling, though. I've met quite a few displaced and I've been so blessed. Most of them have the greatest attitude so unlike you've seen on television (looting, fighting, screaming and yelling). Where do they find those people? Because the ones I've met are so precious and positive and feel so blessed. They really are amazing walking blessings. But then in the next minute, guilt, frustration, anger or empathy overtakes me. Today there seems to be positive progress in New Orleans and I'm feeling a bit more positive about the future. But even when I write that...a pain of guilt hits me. How can I just go on with life as normal when "life as normal" no longer exists for so many? But that's what we've got to do, isn't it? Just go on with life?

Somebody said the other day...about the bus situation (the kids had to go to school last week on Tuesday and Wednesday but we had to bring them because the buses were in use)..."but's so inconvenient." I had to bite my tongue at the risk of sounding like an arrogant little snit...but I was thinking...Man, it's nice to be able inconvenienced. At least my kid has a school to go to...and I have a vehicle to bring her in...and I have the money to put gas in my tank...and I have a boss that doesn't freak out if I have to run a few minutes late. Inconvenience...maybe but so what. It's nothing like what the people from south of here are dealing with.

Lately, when I give my dogs and horses fresh water to drink...I feel guilty. When I take my baths in the morning...and the evening...I feel guilty. When I look around me and see all that I have and think of the multitudes that don't have a thing not even their families...I feel like "what did they do to deserve this?" Needless to say, this is a very tough time. They keep talking like everyone went to Texas. But thousands came here...and meeting them face to face will change your life. Last week, we enrolled displaced students from New Orleans...and I tell you that each and every one of them bless my heart. Their strength in the midst of turmoil is amazing and their spirit is beautiful.

I stayed home from a trail ride Saturday. I was so overwhelmed and exhausted. I wanted to work in my dead garden and do some things around the house. Well, the house is clean but the garden is still dead. I needed some time alone for my own sanity. My sanity leaves a lot to be desired right now. I'm still tired and overwhelmed but I think spending some time at home this weekend helped. I'm working hard to get some major projects done here at work...and hopefully, I can take a day or so off in a few weeks. I have lots of work to do for my classes...and a test on Wednesday in French. But here's some shockingly, incredibly wonderful news...I made 19 points out of 20 on my French test from last Wednesday. WhoooHooooo! Honestly, I was so amazed...I just can't believe it! I'm totally shocked.

Anyhoo, Life will go on but I don't think life will ever go back to being "normal"...as we knew it before Katrina. It will be "normal" again...but "normal" now is different. I hope that I can always remember to be thankful what God has given me.