Pre-Thanksgiving Ramblings...

Just let me warn you. I am in no mood for the holidays. My life is so screwed up right now. If this post turns out even the least bit positive, consider yourself lucky. You can count on a post that doesn't sound like the Southern Goddess...because the Southern Goddess just isn't herself these days. But a writer has to write...and even when she doesn't feel like it or when she doesn't feel like she has anything to important to say. Rambling #1: You know the saying, "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they're yours. If they don't, they were never yours to begin with." I don't know who said this...but if you're going to say something so profound and true, you really need to include instructions on how to let someone you love go. That's the hard part...the easy part, the words. They sound good...but putting them into action...really hard. Probably the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Rambling #2: I am so afraid and confused. Probably more than I have ever been in my life. I feel so alone even with my family around me. Probably more alone than I have ever been before in my life. Rambling #3: How can something so beautiful, so powerful, so amazingly wonderful be so painful to so many people that matter? Rambling #4: I let you come so close and you took me so far. I can only imagine how close we could become and how far we could go together. Rambling #5: How can I love you so much and be so angry at the same time? Anger is misplaced fear, as is insecurity. I guess, I'm feeling both a whole lot of both right now. I could get over the anger, but I'm not so sure about the insecurity. It would take a whole lot more to get over that. I wish just you'd let me put that all that energy into love and screw the anger and insecurity. Rambling #6: I am thankful for the opportunity to love you. I am not sorry for that. I'm sorry that you don't love me like I love you. Nope...this doesn't sound like the same Southern Goddess....that's because aliens have abducted her and replaced her with this melancholy shell of a being with fingers that move over the keyboard. You'll know when she returns. In the spirit of love, Marybeth

Tonight's Rambings...

Rambling #1: I was smart enough to be have become a Dr. Nancy Snyderman. I was just too dumb to go for it. Monkey says that was an oxymoron--the smart husband of an English teacher. Rambling #2: Damn...Bill Clinton is looking old and did I hear that he supports Obama? How do people get so old and stupid? Maybe I didn't hear that right? Monkey says I did...and he hasn't been drinking. Rambling #3: Am I undoing the good that Limu does for me when I add Amaretto to it? I think I'm making it better. But I could be wrong. Rambling #4: Today, I introduced Wonder Struck which is the book that we are going to start reading. One of the big themes of this book is searching for something that is missing. I actually was able to use a personal example...vaguely anyway. Isn't it nice to find what you are missing plus some? Yeah, it is. Rambling #5: I miss Gage DeRosia playing football at Buckeye High School. Gage, you made some wonderful memories for us all...and we can't wait until Beau steps into your footsteps. We love you both! Rambling #6: Sorry, I can't make it to The Voice tonight. I'm moving to the bedroom.

Ramblings about tonight's Voice...

I want Christina's eyeliner and Cole Vosbury to sit beside me and sing "Adorned" to me all night long. Yes, that would make me very happy. Contrary to someone in particular's opinion, this is a very good season on The Voice.

The Goddess Returns...

Yes, after numerous threats, I have actually returned to the world of blogging. Life has changed drastically since my last post--oodles of years ago--and I need a place to ramble. And this is my place...and if you decide to follow me, it's your place, too. Welcome to my world. Not-so-random ramble #1: Thank you, Christy Maxwell Clark, for helping me find my way back to my blog. I think I quit writing because one day, I lost my blog (only me, I know...but my dear and might I add "brilliant" friend, found me. Yes, I was lost but now, I'm found. Thanks, Christy! Random Ramble #2: A year ago, June...I lost my daddy. My rock. Sometimes, I know he's with me because I can almost feel him. Sometimes, I want to pick up the phone and call him. Then I realize I can't. I want to tell him just one more time that I love him and that he is the rock that I lean on. I want to be a little girl again and crawl into his arms and just let him hold me. I want to hear him sing like Andy Griffith...which always made me laugh. I want to just be in his presence. So I guess...my lesson here...is to love your daddy while you can. Be his little girl every day...even when you're not a little girl...because in a breath, he may be gone. And you'll feel alone in this big old world...even when you thought you had it all together. Random Ramble #3: I am teaching now. At least, that's what my job description says I'm doing. Yay, me! Worked my rear end off to finish college and get certified to TEACH...and now every morning, I get up early, get dressed, and drive to 45 minutes to my classroom to face 40 lovely, precious, hormonal, disturbed, but wonderful fifth graders. I'm supposed to be teaching Social Studies and ELA, but mostly I teach social skills with a touch of English and History thrown in for good measure. And I must say, some days, I feel successful...some days, not so much. I do love teaching. I do love my kids. I do love my school and my co-workers. But the system is extremely screwed up. So if there are any politicians out there reading me, do us all a favor and return at least some of the accountability to the students and the parents. Do something about student behavior. And screw the test. My students need life skills and yes, preparation for college and the techno-world that is constantly evolving around us. SCREW THE TEST. Give me guidelines and leave me the heck alone. Let me be creative and let me teach these kids to love learning as I do. Random Ramble #4: You know when you go into a store for one thing and come out with a whole buggy full of things. I'm the queen of that...so I definitely know the feeling. But it's happened to me again. I went looking for one thing...found it, plus a whole lot more. I'm happy about the whole lot more part...but I'm still getting used to what it means. I want to view it as an unexpected gift. But I know...it's a whole lot more than just that. Am I being vague? Yes. Why? Because. Random Ramble #5: When it's been dark for a long time and then you find a light, you want that light to never go out. I never want to fall into the depths of the dark again. I will do everything I can to hold on to the light. Vague again? Yes. Random Ramble #6: Thank you to our veterans for their service to our country. My little brother, Josh, served overseas....and I'm feeling pretty good about saying he is one the men who have fought to keep our country free. Now, if I could just teach him where babies come from. Geesh. No, really....I love you, Bubby. Well, I'm sure that I have more ramblings but I'll ease you in. Of course, I may be back because The Voice is coming on...and you know, I have to add my two cents. I feels good to be writing again. Thanks...you know who you are.

Hello...

Thinking that I might start blogging again....

Week 1--Core4

This is going to be a quick post but I feel it is important to write about my experience on Core4. This morning I weighed 150.2. That's 5.2 pounds in one week. But the most important thing about this week is how good I have felt. I haven't been "high" or on a "buzz." I just feel like I should have been feeling all along. I feel energetic enough to get through my day and I'm becoming laser focused on getting finished with my college. But now, I have the energy to concentrate on my college classes after I've worked all day. I've had a few "PMS" days where I wanted to eat everything in sight but even so, I've done really good for the first week. I have drastically reduced the number of diet drinks I have consumed and now, I crave water. So stay tuned next week's update.

Marybeth

About to start Core4...

This picture was taken on July 26 in Memphis. We were happy because we were on our way to the American Idols concert which was freaking AMAZING!!! But looking at these pictures, I realize something I really already know but you know how some things just have to slap you in the face. I'm wearing a loose fitting dress but I still look like a stuffed sausage. I look like I'm gasping for breath. I am forty and fat. But not for long....

Tonight, I am going to begin the Core4 program. It's a healthy weight loss program that sort of found me while I was looking for "the answer." I'll go into details more as I use the products and can tell you how they work. Check back here for regular posts as I begin and WIN my battle with my weight!

Weight: 155.4
Bust: 43 inches
Waist: 36 inches
Hips: 43 inches

I found out that I'm carrying about 60 pounds of fat to 95 pounds of lean body mass which sounds about right because I wanted to lose 30 pounds. My goal today is to lose 30 pounds but that may change as I progress through this program because the ultimate goal is to get in amazing shape and become fit, toned and healthy. I am excited about become more energetic and strong in the process.